14. National Disgrace
[Slug] (I pledge allegiance to Budweiser and free drugs) Peace to Rick James, Anna Nicole Smith, Bill Clinton And Motley Crue And anyone else who has ever utilized their 15 minutes Of fame to realize their true dreams of being an Absolute jerk off, just to keep the masses entertained This goes out to learning from the mistakes of others Bring it on now Come on I said come on I said come on [Verse 1] They call me a jerk, once they get to know me But they don't stop calling, they read me well It's no work if I was phony, I'd win a trophy Who needs to make records when there's seeds to sell Freak the bell, and make it all spin crooked God please help, too much grim to look at Grab the tree by the limb and shook it Like, "Have you seen my self esteem, where the hell'd you put it?" Oh wait, never mind, I found it in a bottle Drunk at the Troubadour talking to a model Wrecked the rental on Santa Monica Boulevard I was headed to the El Rey to slap a security guard [Chorus] Rowdy, stubborn, loud and arrogant As American as apple pie and embarrassment Package the kid's face, put it on display Look ma!, another national disgrace Dumb and ignorant, drunk and belligerent Open up your heart y'all, come on and let me in Package the kid's face, put it on display Look ma!, another national disgrace [Verse 2] The liquor gets hold of the head liver's soul Blurry on Sixth Street and Red River Road Last thing I remember was the Ogden Theatre Backstage bathroom making out with all three of ya Kicked out of Topcats... for where I put the vomit at Finally passed out in a laundry mat Malnourished and topless, slurring and obnoxious Like, "Yo, we got this!" The Zodiac Killers 'bout to rock this At the Great American Music Hall, pissin on the box office Pick apart the detail, alcohol and females All around the world same song Houseton and Ludlow, Maxfish, Vampire You poor the beer and I'll bring the satire No prob, I'll play the part of doorknob and make it look So good you're gonna wish that it was your job [Chorus] [Verse 3] It's all about the hangovers, and late checkouts Maid banging on the door like, "Wake up! Get Out!" But Come on mami, y'all probably don't want me comin' Out like a Zombie brushing teeth in the lobby This is a career, not a hobby Ain't no reason to fear what you wanna see Hey paparazzi, don't you wanna watch me quote the Fonzi and then crash his Mazaradi? Sweat pants, t-shirt, mesh hat, blue blockers Feeding Jack D. to a room full of teenie boppers Howdy neighbor, take a shot for flavor Let's debate whether or not we should punch the waiter I'm just kidding, let's love each other It goes lick, swallow, suck, and order another Do what you like, don't nobody care It's a sign of success only in America [Chorus] [Chorus End: 4x] I didn't cooome to start no trouble or hurt no one I'm just heeere to get drunk, party, and have some fun
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